Action Item
by Durandall
Summary: Haruhi experiences frustration with the Brigade and wishes they could be a bit more ... professional about things. That would be great, wouldn't it?


The Action Item of Suzumiya Haruhi

A (hopefully) amusing short story set in the Haruhi universe

By Brian Randall

Disclaimer: The light novel series started with the novel 'Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu'/'The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' is the creation of Tanigawa Nagaru. No disrespect is intended with the creation of this work; I'm merely a peasant with an easel and some borrowed paints.

Notes: I used to have so much more time to write, before that promotion...

* * *

When I realized it, I couldn't exactly snap at my Brigade for it. I mean, when _I_ came into the clubroom, the first thing I did was zip to the computer and get it fired up. The dang thing was taking longer and longer to start up, too - but once it was up, I checked my e-mails and looked at the site.

Our hit count hadn't really jumped much since that one big spike, though. On the other hand, for all of those hits, we didn't get any actual _leads_. So wishing for more traffic when it didn't lead anywhere anyway...

Checking the hit-count and group mailbox anyway - just some spam from some supposed prince in Nigeria who wanted to send me a few billion yen, if I could help him out - I finished my routine and sat back. _That_ was when it hit me. It _was_ a routine. I'd settled into a rut - and I wasn't the only one!

Mikuru-chan had finished serving tea to everyone and was already diligently working on her homework.

Koizumi was losing to Kyon at go (the game of the day, evidently), while the pair of them ignored their own assignments.

Yuki was walking toward the door, but paused halfway there from her seat. She turned to look at me, as though she realized she'd caught my attention, but I just waved her off and leaned back into the chair. Our own club was so boring she was going to spend time next door, huh?

I didn't want to yell and tell her she couldn't go; it wasn't not like we were _doing_ anything.

That still upset me, though! That realization - that we _were_ that boring.

The most unique and interesting club on the campus - possibly in all of Japan! And we were just _killing time_!?

Ugh!

As if it were punctuating my annoyance, Koizumi's cell phone chirped, and he paused the game with Kyon to check his text messages. "Ah," he said, sounding surprised after he read it, turning to face me with his typical smile. "My apologies, Suzumiya-san; some work has come up."

Kyon stared at the go board with a frown as Koizumi waited for my response. My second in command, and he's busier with his part-time job than he was with the Brigade. At least he's dilligent, though.

"That's fine," I sighed. "You set a good example and work hard for us!" Koizumi beamed me a smile, but my attention went to Kyon as I muttered, "Unlike _some_ people," under my breath. My second-in-command hesitated a moment, as though he had caught it, but Kyon himself was oblivious as normal.

Typical. Shaking his head to dismiss some thought or another, Koizumi strode purposefully out of the room.

Kyon sighed and sat up once Koizumi had carefully closed the door behind him. Since he'd left so urgently, Kyon was left to clean up, idly plucking the stones from the table and putting them back in their containers.

"What's on your mind?" he asked me, while Mikuru-chan continued her work, seeming to tune out the entire outer world.

"I wonder if we've let ourselves slip?" I explained, frowning. Usually I was a bit more prepared for questions like that. "Sometimes... Sometimes I really worry that we've lost focus of the big picture and aren't really doing the best job that we can- What have we done toward our mission statement lately?"

"Our- Oh, you mean what you put in that flyer?" he asked me as Mikuru broke off with a blink.

"Ah!" she exclaimed. "Oh, um ... more tea?"

"Yeah," I allowed, giving a simple nod as Kyon pretty much fawned over her, being way nicer than a simple cup of tea really required. Well, it's not like it was hurting anyone, I guess. "I mean," I said, once Kyon had gotten over her, and his expression become thoughtful again, "I think we could have been more efficient, you know? I feel if we were more focused on our goals, we could have gotten more _done_."

His expression went from thoughtful to pensive as Mikuru-chan focused intently on the tea kettle and pitcher. I ... wasn't really sure how he was going to respond to that, and I wasn't sure I _wanted_ to know, either. It wasn't something I wanted to get into an argument over, in any case.

Just before he finally seemed to have found something to say in response - around the time Mikuru-chan was done making tea - I cut him off. "It doesn't matter," I said, taking the teacup from the third-year girl when she offered it. "It's just something to think about."

He looked unsure about it, but before he could get totally lost in thanking Mikuru-chan, I said, "Speaking of efficiency and focus - you should work on your homework, too, Kyon!"

His face told me what he thought of that.

"We may as well make the most of the time we have!" I chided him.

"Fine," he relented, taking his homework and schoolbooks out. I tried to just focus on making sure that he got his work done, but that idea... The thought that the Brigade could be more efficient...

It stuck with me.

And I'm one hundred - no, _five hundred_ percent sure that explains what happened afterwards.

* * *

I went home and did my usual chores, followed by a little bit of tutoring of the neighbor's kid. He's alright, I guess - looks like a little professor. I was confident my method would help, and bit by bit, he's picking up steam and working a bit better.

His parents are less worried about his progress, though I can't imagine why they thought I didn't know what I was doing.

Anyway, after that I went to bed. I had another one of those dreams I hadn't had in a long while, with those glowing blue giants and... I couldn't remember how they usually went, but this time, the figure seemed to kind of hesitate and sulk. It didn't do any damage, at any rate.

It seemed to figure something out - and then I woke up.

Weird.

So then it was the run to school, where I had to wait for Kyon to show up- Except he'd actually shown some initiative!

The day seemed like it was off to a better start already; I started to think we might actually get something done. He focused on his cell phone, furiously punching buttons with a look of concentration. I was about to smack him on the back to see if I could startle him a bit - but I noticed that he looked ... sharper than usual. He usually wore his uniform in a way that made him look kind of casual.

I mean, I didn't have super focus on Kyon's appearance or anything, but you spend as much time with him as I have and you start to notice things, right? So he was wearing his uniform properly, tie done up all the way instead of a little loose, shirt properly tucked in, and I'd swear his uniform looked cleaner than it usually did.

That didn't stick out nearly as much as the fact that he'd actually combed his hair properly. He must have put something in it to make it stay in place, too - gel or hair-spray or something. That's ... unusual for him.

Instead of bothering him, I sat down in my own seat and tried to puzzle out what today was. A holiday? Something else special? I couldn't think of what he'd dress up so sharply for, though. Of course, he was blowing any chance he had of looking _really_ sharp by playing whatever game he'd found on his phone non-stop.

Well, whatever. I was sure it wasn't a big deal.

* * *

Kyon put his phone away before class begins, barely, and then we were called to attention and lessons went on as normal. I pretty much tuned it out entirely, until break. Right! The rest of the Brigade may be slacking off, but I was going to do _my_ part!

Despite all my searching, the day ended up being just like any other, though. Lunch was spent wandering around and exploring the track ... but there was still nothing new to find there.

After that I got back to our room just before the chime - just about the same time as Kyon, actually. He gave me an odd look, but didn't have time to say anything before the teacher started began.

What was that about, anyway?

I didn't really think of it until it was time for the club to get together. When I reached the clubroom door, Mikuru-chan was huffing, just reaching it at the same time. Well, good for her, showing some initiative! I nodded at her and opened the door to let her in first.

Yuki and Koizumi were waiting inside, and both nodded at me like they were expecting something.

That's strange... Looking around, I couldn't help but notice. If _Kyon_ looked sharper, Koizumi looked like a perfectly-groomed salseman! He looked like he might be able to sell ice to the innuit! Not only that - Yuki had changed her hair a bit, wearing a pair of pins to keep it neat and out of her way. I couldn't really see that Mikuru-chan looked different, yet, but at that point, I wouldn't have been surprised! While I was trying to puzzle it out, I took my seat at the head of the table instead of going to the computer.

"Sorry, sorry," Mikuru-chan apologized, hurriedly grabbing a laptop and moving to the table.

What happened to the costume? When I glanced at the costume rack, it was missing, though. Maybe she took it home for cleaning? She does that once in a while, after all. It looked like she took _all_ of them back for cleaning, though, leaving ... some spare business suits behind?

Before I could really figure that out, Mikuru-chan had powered up the laptop and then her hands hovered over the keyboard expectantly, as her gaze went between me and Koizumi.

"I believe we're ready, then," Koizumi judged, nodding.

"What about Kyon?" I protested. I mean, if he's too slow he'll lose out, but whatever they've got planned, it sure seemed to involve him!

"He's a chicken," Koizumi said with a shrug. "We can get his input later."

What the hell?

"It's not a big deal," Kyon said, opening the door and stepping in, nodding at everyone. "Let the pigs go first."

I could only stare at him after that.

Koizumi seemed to pass off the term, just nodding quickly. "Okay," he said. "We have some open escalations from last week. Asahina-san, could you read off the minutes?"

Mikuru-chan tapped a few keys quickly, then said, "We have three outstanding issues at the moment. First of all, Kyon-kun was to secure a venue for our scheduled inspection next Wednesday."

"Any progress?" Koizumi prompted, looking at Kyon expectantly as he sat down, fiddling with his phone still.

"I don't have any commits yet, just leads. If I can't actualize them, we'll need a fall-back," Kyon answered with a shrug of his own. "Nagato?"

"That's item two," Mikuru-chan noted, still taking down what everyone else was saying. Mikuru-chan, who couldn't handle a computer without help three days ago. And now she was typing as quickly as we could _speak_?

"Sources have been identified, but cost-analysis is not yet complete," Yuki answered quietly. "The report should be finalized by tomorrow."

"So we can run those numbers past last week's findings?" Mikuru asked. "We need it to be an apples-to-apples comparison."

"It will be," Yuki confirmed quietly.

"Great- And number three?" Koizumi replied, turning his attention from Yuki to Mikuru-chan.

"Ah ... there's an action item for Suzumiya-san to go over the restructuring we discussed yesterday? This was supposed to be resolved during the lunch meeting, but..." She trailed off and shruged, offering me an uncertain smile.

Wait - lunch meeting?

I wasn't sure what was going on, but this was pretty crazy. I wanted _efficiency_, but this...

"The merger with the Computer Research Society," Kyon added, still looking at his phone. "But I have some insight to that issue."

"The - what?" I managed, staring.

"The plan to bring the Computer Research Society under our leadership so we can direct them for the mystery search operation more efficiently," Kyon clarified, looking up and frowning slightly. "We were going to have them see about-"

"If there's no progress on that front," Koizumi interrupted, "you two can discuss that offline."

"Alright," Kyon agreed, going back to his phone.

"I believe this issue must be handled immediately," Yuki said in her quiet way. "Further progress is blocked until we secure the internet team. We do not have adequate funding to contract this out, and must leverage our previous partnership to gain the necessary manpower."

Kyon leaned back in his chair and blew out a long sigh. "Alright, I've got nothing," he said, like an admission. "I was hoping Haruhi would take the lion's share of the workload - I've got my hands full with Taniguchi-gate. Keeping him from turning into a PR disaster is a job and half on its own."

"Taniguchi!" I couldn't help but exclaim. "What does-" I cut off when everyone stared at me.

Okay, they were all playing some game, or else being way, way too efficient, or... I don't even know - but I was sure I could fake it! "Look, just settle things with him once and for all, alright?" I told Kyon. Now ... what was it that Koizumi had said? "If you have to, we can discuss that offline."

Everyone nodded, so I must have gotten that right.

"Well, in that case, what about the merger?" Mikuru-chan piped up, looking confused. "Oh!" she exclaimed suddenly. "You- You were handling that on your own during lunch?"

Merger? Those guys...

"Yeah, yeah," I said dismissively, shrugging. "So, I'll take care of that."

"It's already in the pipe?"

Whatever _that_ meant. I nodded anyway. If Kyon wasn't keeping up - which it sounded like - all I _really_ had to do was corner him alone and discuss with him further. I could get the rest of the information on whatever the hell was going on from there.

"That being said, if there's nothing else, I want to discuss something in private with Kyon," I added.

Koizumi looked to Mikuru-chan for confirmation. She perused her laptop screen for a moment, and then shrugged.

"Alright," Kyon sighed, shaking his head as he rose, finally pocketing his phone. "Let's go, then."

Koizumi turned his attention to Yuki. "I wanted some clarification on that last TPS report you filed," he added, as Mikuru-chan continued tapping away at her computer, and Kyon and I stepped into the hall.

I catch one last little bit about a 'transfer of information' from Yuki before we were out of earshot, Kyon plodding lethargically toward the vending machine that offered coffee. "Sorry if I'm falling behind," he added belatedly.

I looked at him sharply. "What's this about?" I prompted bluntly, not really wanting to beat around the bush.

He stopped in front of the machine and heaved a little sigh when he looked at it. "I've missed some paperwork, but we also have schoolwork to contend with," he said blandly. "I suppose that now that push has come to shove, I need your guidance on which way to go."

I could only stare at him for a long minute. Kyon actually coming to _me_ for advice? "...what?"

"I have to choose prioritization of my current tasks," he explained, shaking his head. "I'm thinking that the most efficient route would be to deprioritize schoolwork to focus on my Brigade assignments. If I'm not an asset to the team, we won't ever find what we're looking for, will we?"

How the hell was I supposed to respond to that? We spent yesterday's club session making sure he got his homework done, and now he was telling me he wanted to throw that aside ... to focus on the mission statement I brought up just before that?

"W...why would you do that?" I managed to ask.

He shrugged and tapped on the vending machine behind him with a fingertip, right on the button for coffee - though he hadn't put any money in, so nothing happened. "Like you said," he explained. "Coffee is for closers." He nodded to himself, even though I hadn't said anything.

"Alright," he decided. "I'll see what I can do to resolve the issues assigned to me. Thanks for your time, Haruhi."

And then he turned and walked away, pulling his phone out again.

So ... I guess in hindsight ... he wasn't playing a game, but texting someone, or something. Working hard for the club.

I was so stunned by that ... I really didn't know how to respond. We'd grabbed our bags before leaving the clubroom, so after that ... I went home.

When I got there, I thought about things a bit more. This had to be a nightmare, right? A bad dream? A really, really realistic bad dream!

So it was my subconscious telling me, "Be careful what you wish for!"

Well, _screw you_, subconscious!

I was just going to sleep and wake up with everything back to normal!

* * *

Sure enough, the next day, when I got back to school, everything was back the way that it should be. Kyon was his normal grumpy and tousled self, showing up later than me. When I prodded, "Hey, you finish that action item?" he could only stare at me the way he usually does when I say something he can't keep up with.

And that was okay.

It was a weird kind of nightmare, but at least that's all it was! Sure, it was realistic, but I'd have lost a day if that had really happened, wouldn't I?

I idled a bit in class instead of rushing off during breaks, and scared Kyon's pervy friend off to eat my cafeteria lunch at my own desk. Kyon seemed a bit confused, but nattered on about his sister and helping her with homework. That seemed fine, too.

When it was time for the club to meet, I took a meandering path there, not feeling like I was in a real rush. Mikuru-chan must have been changing in there, because Koizumi and Kyon were talking about something - though they stopped when I got close.

I still heard Koizumi's final, "...if you just tried a bit harder, though." He looked a bit tired, for some reason.

"Ah," he remarked, smiling at me. "Well, Suzumiya-san, I'm afraid some part-time work has come up again, and I must be off; I was at least able to check in with you!"

Kyon looked particularly annoyed for some reason, just shaking his head and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well, take care, then," I said, shrugging.

Once Koizumi had gone, Kyon sighed and muttered, "Haruhi ... do you ... think I should ... work harder for the club?"

Obviously, that's what Koizumi was trying to put him up to. Normally I'd say, "Excellent work, second-in-command!" But thinking about things...

"You could work harder, but I'll let it slide!" I told him. "Officially, we're supposed to be an organization that helps students with problems - and looking at your grades, that's you! So let's make sure you keep getting your homework done, and you study properly!"

He sighed at that, again, but this time I could tell it's his, "I'm pretending to not be really happy about this," sigh, not an actually tired one - and _that_ is not something to complain about at all!

* * *

Author's Notes: Originally the buzzword bingo segment was planned to be much longer, but I decided not to overdo it. Thanks to Muphrid, JonBob, Sarsaparilla, and Guenther for their feedback on this one; I hope you enjoyed!


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